I was generally a dreamy cherub-like child who lived only to make others feel happy and nice. At least that`s how I remember it…
There are things you did when you were younger that you look back on and wonder what you were thinking, others that pull a twinge of guilt from the years of wisdom and perspective gained and even more that you look back and still snicker at. I think this is one that pulls all of those emotions at once for me – though the guilt and snickering trade spots as the predominant feeling.
Most of my cousins on my Father`s side of the family were WAY older (like at least 12 or 15 years older which is massive when you`re 10). I looked up to them, wanted to be like them and loved when they teased me – and tried to tease back. Teasing a 25-year old is somewhat challenging when you don`t understand half the jokes they tease you with. And I did have a lot to be teased about (and still do).
It was our annual Christmas Party – a gathering of family who would come together for an annual meet and greet. It often meant that I got to partake in a baseball tournament on my Commodore 64. I actually won the rights to my Uncle`s pickup truck and my Cousin`s first born on one particularly cheery Christmas – though I wasn`t able to collect on either.
I had two responsibilities at the party (as I was the young gourmand I still profess to be). One was to make sandwiches that I would cut with a K-Tel plastic sandwich cutter and make a sandwich tree with a pineapple and multicoloured toothpicks.
The second was to serve beverages. This largely consisted of running up the stairs to the fridge and back to the waiting guest who would pat me on the head, tease me or tip a nickel (it was, after all, the late 70`s or early 80`s).
I gave my Cousin-Uncle (he was a cousin`s Husband) a beer. I liked him a lot, enjoyed his teasing and wanted to tease back. I was a little horrified when he gulped half the bottle before figuring out that the contents were much more sour than beer. Instead of 5% alcohol, it was 5% acid – pure white vinegar.
Vinegar is apparently fairly tasteless when ice-cold and you are parched. When you consume almost a cup of it, it has a way of returning to plain sight very quickly.
I honestly feel bad about the whole thing – and can`t wipe the smirk off my face.
It`s almost 30 years later and I am still the bartender – in part so that I can monitor what is served to me. I will never do that again and implore you not to – it was a horrible idea and I`m not sure it`s even safe. Yet I don`t know why it still makes me smile…
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